What your favourite drink says about you

Like it or not, what you order at a bar says a lot about you.

Real Ale

"Inside of me is a 45 year old man with a beard that's trying to find his way out."

Red wine

"Fuck carpets. Am I right??"

Pear cider

"I lost my tastebuds in 1994 and can no longer taste a thing, but I like my breath to reek something awful so I stick to perry."


"I think they should bring back fox hunting, but instead of foxes you hunt poor people. And instead of horses, you ride around on soon to be deported illegal immigrants."

Tesco-value lager

"Times are hard, don't judge me."

WKD Blue

"Here's to being a five year-old girl."


"I like to think I'm James Bond as played by Daniel Craig. In reality I'm more like Pee-Wee Herman as portrayed by Barry Chuckle."


"I actually enjoy a foul taste of piss in my mouth"


"I drink alone."

White Lightening

"I own a fake I.D. I do most my drinking on a bus."

Old Fashioned

"I have watched over three episodes of Mad Men and secretly wish it was the 60s."


"You are not going to cry tonight, you are not going to cry tonight. Oh boy, here come the waterworks."

K cider

"I have sat down and calculated exactly the cheapest possible way to get drunk off my face in the quickest possible time. Goodbye, reality."


I think I'm a pirate. Arrrr. Pirates are fun.


"I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm you're birth Grandma"


"I am somewhat Scottish."


"I actually want to die."

Stella Artois

"I am a terrible human being."

Special Brew

"Liver disease? I have never heard of liver disease."

Bacardi Breezer

"This is my first ever drink."

Vodka Red Bull

"Well, if you're SURE you don't have ANY crack at all, I guess I'll have a vodka red bull. You're SURE you don't have any crack?"


"I think the mint counts as a salad."


"I am not someone who drinks things for taste."

Purple / snakebite and black

"What colour my vomit is tomorrow morning is a huge consideration for me."


"I want a hat so badly I am willing to endure drinking a pint of Guiness."


"I am currently in an Indian restaurant." - literally never seen them served anywhere else.