The 25 weirdest, funniest and darkest children's books

Not every children's book can be Harry Potter. A lot of them can't even be Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (by far the worst one).

Then there's these books - children's tales so inexplicable you really wonder how the hell they were published at all...

Here are the 25 weirdest, most WTF children's books (and illustrations from children's books) out there, which by no means should ever be shown to children.

25) This one

... which looks more like a "Lovers Guide: Lion King Edition" than a children's book.

24) Invisible Dick is causing trouble again

"If anything, you've been even more trouble since you became invisible, Dick."

23) Curious George gets curious about Ether

Be sure to pick up the next issue, where Curious George gets curious about injecting heroin into his groin.

22) A children's guide to thinking before you title

"What, what's wrong with the title? People know both meanings of the word bondage, stop being so childish. You're acting like a real boy scout."

21) Patent number PY2456: "The Penis Hose - for firemen".

Product description: Red, penis shaped water cannon operated by gently massaging the balls on either side of the penis cannon.

20) The Ladybird Guide to Cannibalism...

"Where's Mrs Butcher, mummy?"

"In the window, dear."

19) Everybody poops, including apples

Including that kid, the back of a horse, a goose and an apple. True fact: apples poop pears.

18) Those turtles aren't sleeping

"They're, uh... they're wrestling, Jimmy. Turn the page."

17) Touch the cow

You heard the book. Do it now.

16) Horse balls

Horse balls.

15) For kids who haven't been to Japan

Learn some very odd racist stereotypes from books. The Japanese enjoy farting at bricks till they break, who knew?

14) Really, Switzerland?


13) No context shown

No context would explain.

12) Ah, so that's how elephants work

And what those massive industrial corks are for.

11) That's... that's not how you feed the cows...

"Just trust me, son, if you fed them like that they'd still be hungry. Those aren't happy moos, son."

10) George is going to get caught if he keeps peeking in the windows of illustrators...

"Item A, exhibited into evidence - a drawing I made of George the creepy hippo staring into my bedroom from 8am until I finished my drawing at 4pm."

9) Please don't tell me your secret, Harpo. Please tell the police.

You've got a lot to answer for, Lori Black.

8) "Eat my sh*t," said Monkey.

"Suck it, eat my sh*t," replied Parrot.

7) Cold.

"Grandma, can you read me my book please Grandma?"

"Of course dear, what's it called?"

"It's called 'who the f*&k even cares about elderly people. Do the voices would you, Grandma?"

6) No.

"No, kid. Nobody will ever do that for you."

5) Ah... so that's the difference...

*Waits for sequel featuring humans*

4) A dummies guide to...

Steps one through five illustrated above.

3) Sometimes a man standing upright is a better way to show scale

Or get the horse to stand up like he's people? Either way... not this...

2) Timone was adjusting to the newlyweds' lifestyle changes...

"A lion is faking it" said Nala.

1) Let's agree to disagree

"Sorry, Lamchop, I have a meeting."

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