15 ways to seriously anger a vegetarian
Being veggie is a surefire way to get people to say annoying things to you. Nothing offends a meat eater like not eating meat around them. Here are 13 classic things meaties do to annoy veggies. (Full disclosure - I'm a massive veggie).
15) Asking them "can you eat chicken? Fish then? Bacon? Pork?
"Sausages? Pasta? Salmon? Dog? Spinach?"
14) Talk to them like its a disease, like they've caught gonorrhoea
Have you... sorry if this is a rude question... have you always been vegetarian? When did you catch vegetarianism?
13) Constantly ask them if they miss bacon
Accuse them of "kidding themselves" when they say they don't.
12) Tell them they're killing plants
"Potatoes are people too, you f$%king hypocrite!"
11) Eat three times as much meat until they promise to eat meat again
"Mathematically speaking it is now worse for you to NOT eat meat."
10) Make exaggerated "mmmmm" noises whenever you eat a steak
"MmmmmMMMmMM- Mmmm. That's good eatin'."
9) Ask them if they would eat stuff that died of natural causes
"Ok if a cat - no, a suicidal cat, throws itself in front of a car and dies would you eat it? What if the cat was an organ donor? What if the cat was an organ donor and you were starving and I offered you a million pounds?"
8) Tell them "Hitler was a vegetarian" like it was what caused WW2
"I'm just saying maybe if little Adolf had had a bacon sandwich every now and then maybe we wouldn't have had the holocaust".
7) Tell them the food you made them is vegetarian, even though you boiled their potatoes in meat juice
"I... I thought cows were vegetables?"
6) Call them a hypocrite if they bite their nails
"You're MADE of meat, you f*$king hypocrite."
5) Whenever they're tired, tell them they should go to A&E about their rampant anaemia
You think veggies eat lentils for fun? Flavour? What's wrong with you - it's for iron.
4) Tell them "you are what you eat" then say "VEGETABLES!" and point and laugh at them obnoxiously
"No-one has ever made this joke before - I'm some kind of comic genius."
3) Tell them "animals wouldn't exist if it wasn't for meat"
"So in a way, every time I spit-roast a hog I'm actually ordering the birth of a piglet. I'm a f*%king hero, like David Cameron."
2) Inform them that since they don't eat meat, it's now morally justified for them to punch cats
Hand them a cat, wink and leave.
1) Tell them it's ok for them to eat meat around you, because you won't tell anybody
Then make a winky face, hand them a chicken drumstick and leave the room.