Mum giving "the talk" using a knife and lemon is the funniest thing you'll see today
A mum giving the talk to her niece using a knife and a lemon as a prop has gone viral. Probably because it's the most hilarious and brutal version of "the talk" you're ever likely to see.
Charlene, from Maryland, gave her startled-looking 15-yr-old niece the talk, doing the voices of the knife and lemon, before brutally stabbing the lemon to demonstrate what sex is like.
The story starts with the boy (no prizes for guessing which prop the boy is) asking the girl to go to the cinema. Things escalate pretty quickly, and before they've even left the cinema he's using the phrase "just the tip".
After that, things get pretty brutal. It's unlikely Charlene will ever want to have sex after this.
For those of you without headphones / data / just people who like to read transcripts, here is a full transcript of the brutal talk.
Scene opens. A knife looks on at a lemon. He can't help but notice how beautiful she looks as she hovers there elegantly above her plate.
Boy / knife: hi. I think you're cute
Girl / lemon: oh, thank you.
Boy: you wanna date?
*Do do do do do do do indicating the passage of time*
Boy: You wanna go to the movies?
Girl: Yeah, that's awesome.
At movies - the boy gets closer to the girl. Knife moves closer to lemon. Boy gets closer. Gets closer. Tries to kiss.
Boy: mwah mwah mm mm mm
Boy: mm mm mmm mm mm
Boy: Can I touch you there?
Girl: Ummm... sure.
Knife touches lemon in concentric circles.
Boy: Can I put the head in?
Girl: Umm, I don't know.
Boy: I promise, I'll just put the head in. It won't hurt.
Later, in car. Maybe. Somewhere.
Boy (Insistent): It won't hurt, I promise. I'm just going to put the head in, I won't do anything else.
*knife takes run up at lemon, lemon gets stabbed*
Narrator: That is popping the cherry. See the juices?
Cousin: What the f*ck?
Narrator: Cuz he's not just going to put the head in. He's a LIAR. Boys LIE. He's gonna ram it in.
Narrator: And it's gonna hurt. Look at those juices coming out?
Narrator: That's your cherry being popped. You can't get it back. It's gone forever.
Narrator: DO NOT HAVE SEX.
Like this? Check out the brutal note this guy's parents left him before they went on holiday, leaving him alone in the house:
Or what this lady received instead of a doormat:
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