12 things you did at primary school (which would get you fired at work)
Here are 12 things you used to do at primary school which would get you fired at work. Times have changed :(
12) You used to eat crayons to impress girls
You used to eat crayons to impress girls in primary school. And it worked! But it won't impress Jan from accounts. Instant firing.
11) Doing laps of the classroom at tidy up time so that the boss thinks you're doing something
In primary school you could get away with running around the classroom during tidy up time in order to look like you're doing tidy up, whilst the teacher's pet does the real work. Try this trick during tidy up time at work too many times, and your boss will have words.
10) Pee as high as you can at the urinals
If you're a boy at primary school, you regularly got into competitions with other boys, trying to pee as high as you possibly could in the urinals. Don't do this at work unless you've already handed in your notice.
9) Initiate a game of "red rover"
At school you used to walk around the playground chanting "red rover, red rover, who wants to play red rover" until you'd formed a big enough gang to play red rover.
Don't do this in the break room. Though not explicitly against the rules, this will be frowned upon and most likely come up in your annual review.
8) Forget the alphabet
At primary school you used to forget the alphabet on a regular basis. At work, they'll expect you to have at least most of it nailed, and preferably be able to recite it without doing the song if you need to. Forget the alphabet during an important presentation and prepare yourself for an instant firing.
7) Call the boss "mummy" or "daddy"
At primary school it was fine to occasionally call your teacher "mummy" or "daddy". Everyone slips up now and then. But call your boss mummy or daddy, and you can bet your name is being taken off the safe list for the upcoming redundancies.
6) Wet yourself
Even back at school this was frowned upon. But at primary school, at least they were prepared for you to do this and even had spare communal underwear you could wear home if this happened. Not so at work. If you wet yourself at work, intentionally or unintentionally, it is definitely frowned upon. You've been warned.
5) Play kiss cuddle or torture
At primary school you used to chase around people and then give them the option of a kiss, cuddle or torture when you caught them. Don't do this at work, this is a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.
4) Try to sell your Pokemon cards at above market prices
At school you used to trade Pokemon cards at above market prices, maybe even trying to foist a shiny Charizard onto a friend for ten non-shinies.
At work, they won't stand for this kind of nonsense. If you even try and bring up selling your Pokemon cards to them, they may start to have words. Try and pull that shiny Charizard con at work, you're in for a whole world of trouble.
3) Giving a colleague a noogie or a purple nurple
This is either workplace bullying or sexual harassment. Don't do it.
2) Insist on a fifteen milk break in which you down all the milk
Everyone loves milk, but if you insist on having a milk break in which you down a pint of milk at work, your colleagues will begin to talk. And it won't be good talk, either, it'll be stuff like "you hear about Tony the milk man? Drinks a whole pint of the communal milk whilst I do all the spreadsheets."
And then, eventually, you'll be fired.
1) Crying when you get a boo boo
Boo boos are common in the workplace. Get used to filling in an accident report, rather than crying the next time you get a boo boo.