The most important news this year: Magnum and Cornettos are being shrunk

Magnum Cornetto Ben and Jerrys

Oh yeah, you read right. We’ll wait for you to stop smashing things up like the Hulk (quite reasonably) while you think about just how not ok this is.

We know, you could handle Mars Bars shrinking as no-one eats them anyway, then Cadbury Cream eggs, and even Quality Street tins halving in size since the 70’s… but Magnums!… Oh, we’re getting mad again. HULK SMASH!

And here’s the worst bit, it’s because Unilever want to cut calories. Instead of saying that it’s because less ice-cream = more profits, they are saying less ice-cream = less belly fat. We don’t like maths at the best of times, especially when it uses ice-cream against us.

Unilever’s plan is to make sure all its ice-creams are under 250 calories, so are cutting the size of Magnum, Cornetto, Ben & Jerry’s and Feasts by up to 33% (the price won’t be dropping by 33% though). Some ice-creams are just so packed with sugar, cream and goodness, there’s just no cutting back to 250 calories, so will be taken off the shelves completely. Start mourning Magnum Infinity Chocolate & Caramel (never heard of that till now, but want it), Magnum Infinity Chocolate, and Cornetto Choc ‘N’ Ball.

Noel Clarke, executive director of brand building for Unilever UK & Ireland said: “We have introduced this 250 calorie cap to help make it easier for our consumers to make informed and healthier choices when enjoying their favourite ice-creams as part of a balanced lifestyle.”

We’ve no words, Noel… No words...