Introducing your new favourite thing - reading tweets from Micheal Caine in a Michael Caine voice.

16.

fuck space & anybody who goes up there. drinking your own piss & wearing shower caps all day you should be ashamed of yourselves

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) May 5, 2016

15.

i'd punch james bond in the throat if he tried ordering me about like that, i'll stir your vodka drink with my dick if i want to its my pub

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) October 16, 2016

14.

homeless fella stopped me in the street (well where else is he gonna stop me) & asked if i had some change. i told him i had fuck loads

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) November 5, 2016

13.

off to the clinic because i was doing a shit in a mcdonalds toilet & when i pinched it off my dick flexed upward & hit the seat

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) November 22, 2016

12.

i'm twice as strong as your dad, your dad cowers when i walk into the room. looks down at his feet, avoids eye contact, your weak little dad

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) November 27, 2016

11.

fuck snakes, get some legs or fuck off back to angry worm town

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) September 8, 2016

10.

i said what have u been smokin, he said "i'm high on life, michael" i said u'll be high on death u address me like that again, its sir caine

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) November 26, 2016

9.

at the zoo & i just got asked to leave for telling a panda to fuck off

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) September 19, 2016

8.

What are your favourite music

— Michael Caine (@themichaelcaine) June 9, 2011

7.

thinking of all the bees out there that are dying, a species on the verge of extinction. good, fuck off you spikey ass fuckers

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) October 2, 2016

6.

my balls are a mess. i know what you're thinking, "sir micheal caine your balls are probably majestic" but they're not, they are a disaster

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) October 10, 2016

5.

You

— Michael Caine (@themichaelcaine) July 10, 2016

4.

Just read another story about me being locked in attick, completely false.

— Michael Caine (@themichaelcaine) May 17, 2012

3.

its difficult to fuck in a wheelbarrow, sooner or later that things going over & you got yourself one very angry badger

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) December 10, 2016

2.

lot of idiots who dont know how to play on the stock market, listen close: buy stocks, sell them on the market for big money

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) October 23, 2016

1.

just did a big shit in a wheelbarrow, gonna tell ppl it came from a horse & they'll be all "what kind of horse is it" while admiring my shit

— Micheal Caine (@mikealfredcaine) October 24, 2016