Student survives 24 hours in library - finishes essay
A student has survived a 24 hour library session, ordering pizza and going on a pro-plus binge in order to finish her dissertation on time. In an even bigger achievement, she managed to do the whole session without going to the toilet, out of respect for Karl Marx.
In a move that is familiar to most third year students, and will become depressingly familiar for first and second year students in the coming years, a third year student has undertaken a 24 hour library binge - and managed to survive the whole thing.
Unorganised and deranged
Final year politics student Megan Ward discovered she had left her assignments too late to achieve with any reasonable timetable, and that she'd have to do a last minute, 24hr study binge if she wanted to get anything done.
"What kind of student is so unorganised, so behind in their assignments, so deranged, that they would rather do a 24 hour stint in the library than just do their work at a normal time? This piece of shit right here, that’s who."
With that realisation, she set off to the library, taking with her snacks, three litres of water, a hoodie and a blanket, six energy drinks and an insane amount of pro-plus caffeine tablets.
24 hours of hell
Megan began her 24 hours of hell at 12pm on a Friday, and at first everything seemed to be going great:
"Go up to my reserved computer, because I’m an organised bitch. Ignore the fact it’s third year and I’ve only just realised you can book computers. 2 hours later and I’m bossing it. Application for masters submitted, won a text argument with a family member and replied to my important emails. This is going to be fine."
Six hours in she had consumed all of her six energy drinks (which we're fairly sure is technically known as a "lethal dose" by the medical profession) but was feeling fine.
Then, after a friend brought her a coffee and she drank it, disaster struck.
Megan respects Karl Marx too much to go toilet in the library
"I can’t poo in the library, that’s where people learn."
The coffee had made her need the toilet, something she wasn't willing to do in a library.
"I shouldn’t have had the coffee." Megan wrote.
"I need to do a poo. I can’t poo in the library, that’s where people learn. It seems rude somehow, like I’m shitting on great literature or the works of Karl Marx. I wouldn’t shit on Marx, I love him."
Bravely (and correctly) deciding not to take a poo near Das Kaptial (Marx's final work), the University of Birmingham student decided to hold it in until her 24hr session was finished. A full 16 hours away.
By 9:30, Megan was "chugging" energy drinks, even though it was only 9:30, which is basically only bedtime for eight year olds, and had run out of snacks. At this point she decided to find out if Dominoes would deliver to a library.
To her shock, and the delivery guy's confusion, they did deliver and she was able to enjoy some library pizza to keep herself going.
"I meet a very confused pizza delivery man outside the steps of the library. He seems confused but not too annoyed and I get to enjoy a pizza in the library at 10pm on a Friday. #wild" she wrote.
Why are there people in the library at 1:30am?
Now full of energy drink, and working hard, Megan seemed to be on the home straight, and was pretty pleased with her effort.
"The energy drink has kicked in. I am definitely going to crash soon, but on the plus side, I’m half way there! 12 hours in the library! That’s longer than I managed in the whole of first year."
"On the other down side, we are in Shit 2.0 situation. Not only have I still not had that shit from earlier, the energy drink has essentially made my bowels a ticking time bomb. This cannot end well."
Looking around, she noticed something weird. There were other people still around in the library, taking advantage of the 24 hour opening time.
"There are 3 other mad people who are still here too. I’ve come up with interesting back stories for them all because it’s 1:30 in the morning and I’ve descended into a sort of energy-drink fuelled madness. This is the kind of shit you have to do to keep your mind active when on this kind of intense study hype."
At this stage she was still lucid enough to realise this was somewhat odd behaviour, and she shouldn't tell any of these students what she thought their back stories were:
"I’m convinced the girl opposite me is a first year art-history student called Miranda who is taking it all a bit too seriously. I almost want to yell at her to get out and go to [the club] whilst she’s still young and free, but that would definitely be weird. I stop myself. We haven’t quite hit that level of night-time weirdness yet."
If I die tonight, drunk crying girl did it
By 3am, only the hardcore studiers, the people who have left their dissertations way too late and people watching sports for some reason were left. The usual 3am library crowd.
"Now I knew I wasn’t the only fuck-up at this university, but I am shocked by how many of us there seem to be. It’s half three in the morning. Why aren’t you all in bed?"
One girl seemed to be walking around and drunk:
"There is one girl who seems to be walking around half drunk and tearful, why are you in the library at this hour? I want to ask her if she’s okay but she kind of scares me a little. If I die tonight, I will be 90% sure she did it."
"There’s a guy who has just been watching sports for the past two hours. Why he couldn’t do that in the comfort of his own home I’m not sure, but he seems happy."
4:00am, delirium kicks in
It was around 4am, on the home stretch, when delirium kicked in.
"I have finished my dissertation. I’m so tired and delirious I can’t tell if it’s utter shite or if I’m one of the great minds of the new feminist era. The point is it’s finished. Well, I still have to reference and all that jazz, but it is done."
"The thing is though, this is third year. You are never finished. There’s always something else. And some complete idiot decided I should have a 3000 word essay due two days before my dissertation and so it’s on to that."
Nearby, three of her fellow library folk took naps.
"They are so casual about it, like this is a regular occurrence for them. Respect."
Sleep my pretty. Your essay will do itself.
The stench of an all-nighter
Somehow still awake by 10am, and still in the damn library, Megan realised that she was beginning to smell like an all-nighter. The people arriving to do some Saturday morning studying (ridiculously organised people who don't need to do 24 hour binges) also began to notice.
"Two hours to go and I want issue apology notes to everyone in the surrounding area about the smell I am currently emitting. It’s happened. I can smell myself. 12:00 cannot come soon enough."
Library dull enough to make her work seem interesting
At 12pm, 24 hours after she started her insane library stint, she walked out like a boss, having finished her dissertation and started her next 3,000 word assignment. She had survived.
Megan credited her survival, and sudden burst of work ethic, to the library itself.
"It’s so dull here this essay almost seems interesting. If you need to get work done, I fully recommend doing 24 hours in this hell hole. It’s shit but it works."
"I feel dizzy and dazed, which might be the sleep deprivation, but it could also be the sweet, sweet taste of freedom. I’ve done more work in the past 24 hours than I’ve done all week. It was all worth it."
Celebrate good times
With her 24 hours of hell over, she celebrated in exactly the way you'd expect:
"I get to go home, shower, brush my teeth, and go to sleep content with my achievement. But before I do any of that, I am going to need to do a bloody colossal shit."
Check out Megan's full (epicly funny) library survival guide here. Read it next time you're trapped in the library.