13 'personal' questions people asked the internet (which we tried to answer without vomiting)
The internet asked. We answered. Then we vomited. Then we answered some more.
13) We're guessing your "future husband" is some sort of celebrity?
Don't give up. Maybe you should make a doll from his hair, to show him how much you love him?
12) First world problems...
Yes. You weren't until a few minutes ago, but thanks to this classic Shakespearian mix up, you are now gay.
11) Her milkshakes are made from the boys from the yard
There are some of the classic warning signs, yes...
10) The best medicine is preventative...
You have bigger problems than pink eye. Your boyfriend is farting in your face. Let's address one problem at a time, shall we?
9) Never wear leotards in a relationship...
Be confident. Make him think that it's his technique that's all wrong, and this is just how people kiss nowadays. If you do it a second or third time, he'll begin to think the first time was on purpose.
8) Bury it outside like a dog
Or you can hold it all in - at the very least it'll be a medically interesting week. Push back the boundaries of faecal endurance.
7) That's not what spooning means...
This depends. Are you in a single or double bed? This could just be a space issue. Try getting a larger bed and see if he backs off.
6) Ok, that's the limit - here comes the vomit
Unless you count it as cheating on you to eat copious amounts of beans, you probably can't tell if your husband is cheating on you. Oh jeez, here comes the vomit again.
5) You... he... Oh my.
Bu... oh lordy lordy lordy. You have a lot to answer for, Twilight.
4) This is a humble brag
Stop bragging. We all have sperm as powerful as this.
3) Ok, don't worry, there's still time to make up something called the "chunder monster" before your boyfriend wakes up.
Like maybe the chunder monster is the drunken friend of the sandman except his eyes are made of carrot chunks... ok too late, he's waking up. You're on your own.
You clearly weren't that into her anyway. You counted to 9000.
1) Freud? FREUD? Where the hell are you Freud?
Freud, this is the guy you were talking about! Help me out here, Freud. Oh, you're dead are you? And I suppose that's mummy's fault, is it?