Masturbation can cure freshers flu.
Scientists have found that, among other things, masturbation can help to cure fresher's flu.
Choking the chicken, firmly shaking hands with Jeremy Hunt, going to the palm prom, whatever you want to call it, also has a lot of other benefits, as this video from AppScience explains.
So there you go. Masturbation is good for you, and will significantly boost your immune system, helping you to cure the dreaded fresher's flu.
But will it make God cry? Only if "God" is what you've nicknamed your genitals.