19 things that would happen if uni was actually like the prospectus

We've been taking a look through prospectuses and comparing it to real life at uni, lately. It's vastly different.

Here are 19 things that would happen if uni life was actually like the prospectus...

18) Scientists would spend most their time staring at beakers in wonder

"What do you think's in there?"


17) Science student's main concern would be looking cool

"Put on your safety goggles."

"I'm not putting on sh*t. I wear shades. That's who I am."

16) People on the staircase above you would threaten to throw sh*t at your head unless you smile at them

"What's he got in his hands - I'm scared."

"Just smile. Smile and he'll leave you alone. That's the pact we made. Smile and he won't kill again."

15) Every student in a library would be assigned a grinning guy to sit next to

"I was bored of studying, until I was assigned my own grinning bearded dude to sit next too. Now studying doesn't seem too bad. If I do an hours work, I reward myself with a little beard stroke of his grinning face."

14) Everyone would sit on window ledges or walls. Like cats.

Her essay is mainly comprised of meows.

13) Every now and then someone would be required to throw their arms up and say "F*CK YEAAAH! UNI!!!"

"F*ck yeeeeeeeh!! Study!!!!"

12) Seminars would mainly be about people in ties pointing at stuff

"Excellent point. May I counter it with this point." Points at crotch.

11) Everyone would stare directly into the sun

"There's nothing I love more than jogging and staring directly into the sun, and nothing I hate more than retinas."

10) You'd have to schedule in time to stand idly in a stone hallway and lean agains the wall, staring off into the distance

"What you got next?"

"Double leaning against wall, followed by some walking and shouting 'f*ck yeaaaah' - Monday sucks."

9) People would smile whilst working - whilst alone in abandoned cafes

"Day 732. It's been years since I've seen anyone other than a photographer. Beginning to lose hope."

8) Students would walk arm in arm through rivers to get to uni

"Should we use a pavement?"

"Shut up, Dave. We're uni students. We wade."

7) Only male twins would be allowed to do graphic design

6) Everybody would share a laptop

"If you're going to use the only laptop in the library, could you at least look at the screen, Josh?"

"Hang on, I need to smile over there real quick."

"I'm going to kill you one day, Josh, and no-one will even charge me."

5) The only seating would be sofas

"Where do you want your five-hundred sofas?"

"Sling them in the forest, with the iPads and weird chimney things."

4) Uni would be set in Minority Report

Everything is made of glass in the future.

3) People would spend most their time lying in dirt

"Shouldn't we get up? The ground is wet."

"We're students, Bob, we live on the grass."

"I'm cold and have a lecture."

"We're students, Bob, we live on the grass."

"My back is dirty."

"We're students, Bob, we live on the f*cking grass, now lie there, shut up and stare at the sun like a normal person."

2) The only nightlife would consist of a quiet non-alcoholic drink in the pub - in day time

"Shall we get another?"

"I couldn't possibly drink another orange juice. I wouldn't want to get drunk on vitamin C. Let's just sit here and laugh at the table some more and then go home to study."

1) And everyone would get to uni via photoshop

"How did you commute here, grinning man with football?"

"Photoshop. You, psychiatrist with patient on sofa?"

"Microsoft paint, by the looks of things."