7 incredibly weird things you could have done with your £9000 uni fees
William Shatner, pictured here attempting to pass £14,000 worth of kidney stones.
Degrees are expensive. In your parents' generation degrees were given out for free, like plastic toys in happy meals. By the time you've finished, you'll have spent over £27,000 getting your degree. Here are a few bizarre things you could have bought with that money.
6) Buy celebrities' discarded body parts
William Shatner sold a kidney stone in 2006 for £14,000. Assuming your tuition fees are £9000 a year it would only take you 1.6 years to buy a whole stone. That’s a steal. Degrees are fine, but have they passed through the digestive system of Kirk? No. And that’s why they’ll never be as worthwhile.
Assuming you’re assembling some kind of super celebrity made from the discarded pieces of other celebrities, there's a disturbingly high number of affordable items available to get you started:
- Brad Pitt’s breath sold for £340. That's right. Every breath he takes could be used to buy a playstation.
- Scarlett Johansson’s lipstick and mucus sold for £3,600 after she blew her nose on the Tonight Show, bagged it and sold it. That’s £3,599.99 if you assume the tissue was worth a penny.
- One of John Lennon’s teeth sold for £10,000.
- A smattering of Elvis’s hair sold for £11,350. Much more affordable than Bieber’s hair, which sold for £25,000.
- Justin Timberlake’s partially eaten French toast, which technically isn't even a body part, sold for £630
5) Out of your budget range:
Marilyn Monroe’s chest X-Rays sold for a whopping $45,000. In fairness they’re incredibly hot, if you have a radiographic imaging fetish.
Anybody? Just me?
4) Take 26 baths a day, or flush 450,000 toilets
It costs £700.80 to bath twice a day for a year, which sounds like a lot. Fortunately you only bath twice a day if you’re Cleopatra. And if you are Cleopatra you do it in milk and have bigger problems to worry about than bath expenditure.
To blow your money on taking baths, you’d need to take 25.68 baths a day.
3) Literally piss it away
If you prefer the imagery of actually flushing that money down the toilet, it would take you 450,000 flushes a year or 1233 flushes a day (at 2p per flush). If you need to do that, seek medical advice.
If you want to take more baths for your money try 4 ways to save money without peeing in the communal showers...
2) Drink protein shakes till you look like this guy:
This guy was an actual senator. Is it too much to ask for our politicians to look like this? I'm looking at you, Clegg.
If you’re not spending that £9000 working on your mind you’d may as well spend it on your body.
£9,000 a year would buy you 50,000 protein shakes a year, at 18p per shake.
1) Attempt to buy New Zealand
A man from Australia listed New Zealand on eBay for $0.01 in 2006. It was taken down for violation of terms of service, but not before bidding had reached a very affordable £1,200.
Forgotten why you’re going to university? Refresh your memory…