Game of Thrones sex toys
Since the the season five Game of Thrones trailer dropped, with Jon Snow looking all moody and lovely and Daenerys Targaryen as fierce as ever - we’ve realised just how much we’ve missed those beauties. It’s the most anticipated show around and fans are properly obsessed. Lets face it, the fact it’s about 75% soft porn helps with the viewing figures.
So, as it’s close to Valentine’s day and we love playing cupid, we’ve found the five best Game of Thrones sex toys out there, so winter isn’t the only thing coming.
Settle down this valentines day with an array of dragon dildos and a can of generic coke for size comparison purposes.
Real talk, Rhaegal, Viserion and Drogon are hot as hell. Oooffff… they’re on fire! (sorry!) Believe it or not, there is a website dedicated to dragon-based sex toys. Yep - if a human penis ain’t for you, maybe consider Kelvin the Ice Dragon’s?
Bad Dragon has hundreds of different mythical animal penises. tongues, tentacles, penetrable toys (that look like something from Alien) and wearables. And there was us thinking 50 Shades of Grey was a bit risqué..
Crown cock ring
Ever thought that your penis is so majestic, it should sit on the Iron Throne? Well, all kings need a crown, and luckily you can buy an actual bronze crown one to sit neatly on the head of your penis, which will make the little fella look exactly like Joffery, the King of the Dicks.
It will cost you £48, but make make you look like a million dollars. Think of the looks on your family and friends' prideful faces during the coronation ceremony.
Everyone is into The Hound, and it’s probably due to all that chainmail (and the way he eats chickens) rather than the melted face. Now, you can be just as alluring with a chainmail thong (for lads and ladies).
One you slip one of those bad boys on, you automatically become super chivalrous and some-what intimidating. What a combo.
It’s cold ‘tup north, so cold there’s a bloody big ice wall. With some ice lube to chill your bits, you can shut your eyes and imagine you’re having some special time with Jon Snow or maybe even Sam (we’re not here to judge). If you want to simulate how cold it would be to actually bang the wall that's fine by us.
Sure, there are the standard sexy dressing up outfits (french maids, nurses blah blah blah), but if your lover identifies with House Stark (and all decent people do - we won't hear it any other way), you really should Direwolf-up a bit. Why not try a wolf fursuit? If it all goes wrong, at least you’ll be nice to cuddle.