Estate Agent's advice to milliennials gloriously backfires

MILLENNIALS: gather round, ANOTHER estate agent has got some definitely asked for and totally practical house-buying advice!

UK estate agents 'Strutt & Parker' have just released new analysis, which suggests that if you give up every semblance of enjoyment in your life, you might be able to afford a house one day!

In an article by the Evening Standard, Strutt & Parker purported that if millennials gave up unnecessary 'luxuries' they could afford a house within five years.

The estate agents suggested that millennials from the renting generation could save up to £64,000 by making 'relatively small changes' to their lifestyles (and got help from their parents.. because the average house deposit in London is £96,000).

So, what are these lifestyle changes I hear you ask? Starting some kind of scheme that mirrors a pension whereby you put a certain amount into savings a month? Start playing the lottery? Selling kidneys on the black market?

No! These changes include GIVING UP EVERYTHING THAT GIVES YOU ANY FORM OF PLEASURE.

According to their calculations, Strutt & Parker suggested that giving up the following could save huge sums of money:

  • Giving up a night out a week could save £6,000 a year
  • Giving up takeaways saves £2,640 a year
  • Not buying lunch out saves £2,576 a year
  • Not going on holiday saves £700 a year

So it's simple right? All you need to do is stop leaving your house, eating and having fun for five years and you might be able to get a house!

That's right - it's a ham and cheese sandwich everyday without a break because NO YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY GO ON HOLIDAY.

As well as subscribing to the tiresome and overdone 'if only millennials would STOP BUYING BRUNCH' narrative, Strutt & Parkers advice seems just plain wrong.

I'll be damned if I have to give up my occasional and gloriously pretentious Pret

Maths was never my strong point, so bear with me here. But surely, SURELY no millennial is spending upwards of £115 on single nights out, £50 on takeaways and around £10 on lunch a day?

£115 on nights out is just totally insane. Unless you're THAT person that buys bottles of Belvedere on your nights out, or slams enough cocaine to kill a rhino, this figure seems completely incomprehensible. Everyone knows millennials spend their miserly evenings downing cheap and watered down pints in Spoons.

And don't get me started on £50 on takeaways... unless you're literally buying XL takeaways twice a week BY YOURSELF, there is no way this figure is true.

Let's be honest, millennials will be working until they're 80, so I will be absolutely DAMNED if I'm not allowed to take a holiday once in a while, treat myself to a shitty Tesco meal deal on my minuscule lunch break, and have the occasional curry on a Friday night after working a 50 hour week.

And whilst we're at it, let's stop blaming millennials for every SINGLE THING that's wrong with the world.

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