MILLENNIALS: gather round, ANOTHER estate agent has got some definitely asked for and totally practical house-buying advice!

UK estate agents 'Strutt & Parker' have just released new analysis, which suggests that if you give up every semblance of enjoyment in your life, you might be able to afford a house one day!

In an article by the Evening Standard, Strutt & Parker purported that if millennials gave up unnecessary 'luxuries' they could afford a house within five years.

The estate agents suggested that millennials from the renting generation could save up to £64,000 by making 'relatively small changes' to their lifestyles (and got help from their parents.. because the average house deposit in London is £96,000).

So, what are these lifestyle changes I hear you ask? Starting some kind of scheme that mirrors a pension whereby you put a certain amount into savings a month? Start playing the lottery? Selling kidneys on the black market?

No! These changes include GIVING UP EVERYTHING THAT GIVES YOU ANY FORM OF PLEASURE.

According to their calculations, Strutt & Parker suggested that giving up the following could save huge sums of money:

• Giving up a night out a week could save £6,000 a year
• Giving up takeaways saves £2,640 a year
• Not buying lunch out saves £2,576 a year
• Not going on holiday saves £700 a year

So it's simple right? All you need to do is stop leaving your house, eating and having fun for five years and you might be able to get a house!

That's right - it's a ham and cheese sandwich everyday without a break because NO YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY GO ON HOLIDAY.

As well as subscribing to the tiresome and overdone 'if only millennials would STOP BUYING BRUNCH' narrative, Strutt & Parkers advice seems just plain wrong.

So, this estate agents reckons we spend £120 every week on nights out, £50 per week on takeaways, £50 per week on lunches and £700 per year on holidays. Also, I hate to break it to you @struttandparker but I know no-one who does the lottery https://t.co/jLmdZJhPev

— Charlie Rainsford (@C_Rainsford) November 14, 2017

Strutt and Parker also says you "could" save £2,640 a year by not getting any takeaways. That's £50 a week. I love a takeaway, but how many of us spend £50 a week on them (especially when ordering with friends or partners)?

— Laurence Dodds (@LFDodds) November 14, 2017

so glad we have estate agents here to tell us we just need to never go on holiday, eat lunch or buy a lottery ticket and we could buy our dream house! Oh and make sure we were born into money. Monstrously ill judged press release from @struttandparker here https://t.co/z9QJmBSXla

— India Block (@indiablock) November 14, 2017

I'll be damned if I have to give up my occasional and gloriously pretentious Pret

Maths was never my strong point, so bear with me here. But surely, SURELY no millennial is spending upwards of £115 on single nights out, £50 on takeaways and around £10 on lunch a day?

£115 on nights out is just totally insane. Unless you're THAT person that buys bottles of Belvedere on your nights out, or slams enough cocaine to kill a rhino, this figure seems completely incomprehensible. Everyone knows millennials spend their miserly evenings downing cheap and watered down pints in Spoons.

And don't get me started on £50 on takeaways... unless you're literally buying XL takeaways twice a week BY YOURSELF, there is no way this figure is true.

are estate agents all trying to engage in some group magical thinking where if they chat enough bollocks about millennials being lazy and profligate with our pret-and-avocado habit we'll start being able to afford property and save them from their stalling sales?

— India Block (@indiablock) November 14, 2017

I don't know a millennial couple with a sandwich addiction, penchant for £1,400 city breaks and a compulsion to over-spend on lottery tickets. But, boy would that very specific imaginary couple be able to afford a house deposit (somewhere outside London) if they existed.

— Sarah Othman (@SarahOthman) November 14, 2017

Let's be honest, millennials will be working until they're 80, so I will be absolutely DAMNED if I'm not allowed to take a holiday once in a while, treat myself to a shitty Tesco meal deal on my minuscule lunch break, and have the occasional curry on a Friday night after working a 50 hour week.

And whilst we're at it, let's stop blaming millennials for every SINGLE THING that's wrong with the world.

As a millennial who rents and prefers wraps to sandwiches, I find the sandwich narrative very problematic.

— Bert News 🥔 (@bertnews) November 14, 2017