The correct and incorrect ways to celebrate bonfire night...
Bonfire night. The day we celebrate the failures, and successful burning, of Guy Fawkes. Apparently the man was so evil that we've celebrated his death year on year for over 400 years. Not even Hitler has his death celebrated like this, and being hated for all eternity basically seemed like his career goal.
Thankfully for poor, zombie Guy it's now ok to burn other figures of hate. If you're trying to decide who's worthy of burning 2014, or what swear word or body part you should scrawl on the sky using a sparkler, take a look at these bonfire night photos of yesteryear, done right and wrong.
Correct way #1) Use fireworks create a functioning penis
This happened at a bonfire night in Glasgow in 2013, and is just one of many reasons we're glad Scotland didn't leave the UK. This isn't a Scottish firework penis, no, this is a proud, British firework penis. Thank you, Scotland. In return you can have Jim Davidson.
Correct way #2) Create sparkler art
If you have a camera that can do long exposure photos and a few sparklers you can create some pretty cool effects:
For more of these see allsparkfireworks.com
Image from epicfireworks.com
More like this on epicfireworks.com
Image from moblog.net
Correct way #3) Use sparklers to spell the word "pissflaps"
One person in the group played up her ability to spell the letter “s”.
Correct way #4) Burn effigies of people who deserve the hate
Gaddafi, “chillin’ in the back seat” with Satan and Death. Fairly uncontroversial candidates for effigy burning at the celebration in Lewes, who, by the way, do some of the most spectacular bonfire night events in the country.
Rebekkah Brookes riding Rupert Murdoch into battle.
Correct way #5) Burn an effigy of David Cameron naked with a pig's head on his lap
David Cameron ready for Lewes bonfire pic.twitter.com/BXiDS9ZpO6— Steve Tremlett (@stevetremlett) November 5, 2015
That's this year's effigy at Lewes. Tad harsh - the poor pig has suffered enough.
Incorrect way #1) Burn effigies of people who might not deserve it
It's unclear whether the people of Edenbridge, Kent want to burn Wayne Rooney or are trying to send a message to Shrek that dressing up as Manchester United players and stealing sacks of money will be punished severely.
Overall it seems a tad cruel to not only burn an effigy of Rooney, but also remind him his ears look like Shrek's as he burns.
If there's one thing the people of Kent hate just as much as Wayne Rooney getting a hair transplant it's people who win the Tour de France. They feel so strongly they put a Jim'll fix it badge on the effigy before they burnt it.
Tad harsh. We have no reason to believe Jimmy Saville fixed the Tour de France for him. Drugs did.
Jonathan Ross carrying the decapitated Russell Brand
This certainly sends a message. Make a prank phone call to Manuel and you will burn.
David Cameron making Nick Clegg dance
Another one from Lewes bonfire night. Cleggy doesn't deserve this, he's suffered enough.
Condoleezza Rice dressed as Wonder Woman
Finally something for Al Qaeda and the people of Lewes to bond over: They both loved burning effigies of Condoleezza Rice back in 2006.
Angela Merkel complete with Hitler moustache and salute
Theres… There’s no way they anyone could make a more offensive depiction of Merkel, is there?
Oh. There it is.
Sarah Palin going hunting with an assault rifle and a moose
And, of course, Steve Irwin…
For some reason after every celebrity dies, people somewhere will feel the need to rub things in to their grieving relatives. He didn't even do anything wrong.
Incorrect way #2) Burning a badger in a tank
It's not clear what made people angry enough to burn this. Did 'Badger' from the Wind in the Willows tool up, go on a rampage and now the people of Bexhill are pissed off?
It's actually a response to the badger cull, though I can't for the life of me figure out which side of the debate they're on. Only cull weaponised badgers? It's more humane to use dynamite?
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