Are these the 13 worst housemates of all time?
Here are perhaps the worst roommates and housemates out there. Brace yourselves.
13) Jeff - "I filled his room with spiders to teach him a lesson about science"
"I had this friend who insisted that spiders were scared of conkers. He kept conkers in his room to 'ward off' the spiders. For some reason this really pissed me off. He was a scientist, for Christ's sakes. I tried explaining that conkers start to fall in Autumn, when spiders start to naturally die off - hence the superstition, but he wouldn't listen. Kept saying 'no, they just scare the sh*t out of spiders - conkers just freak spiders out for some reason'.
So, I took action. For the next two years I lived with the guy, every time I found a spider in the house, I'd pick it up and move it into his room and place it next to his conkers. At one point there were maybe 30/40 spiders living in his room, right next to his precious fucking conkers.
And it backfired. He now thinks that conkers somehow summon spiders. And he now works for a weapons manufacturer - sleep soundly."
12) Freddie - I blamed burglars for my toilet mishap
"You ever taken a dump so huge it overflowed the tank?
I got back early after the Xmas holidays and no-one was around so I decided to do a toilet tour of the house. I used all the toilets I was usually banned from, including my friends' en-suites. Only it was just after Xmas and I was a little backed up. So I go for a dump in this guy Matt's room and when I flush it just gushes over the top like the blood in lift scene from the Shining.
I run out of there as quick as I can and pack my things and go back to my parents house and decide to pretend like it never happened. Lie low whilst it all sorts itself out.
I come back to the house a few days later and a few of them have arrived. Deny all knowledge. Deny I've been in the house. They insist there must have been a burglary - start telling me how burglars always take a poo at the crime scene, like it's some kind of common knowledge. When they talked about calling the police I thought I might have to confess, but I managed to convince them that I'd report everything whilst they were at uni. I didn't, of course, but I even went to the trouble of mocking up a fake police report, just in case my housemates asked for 'proof'. It's been about ten years since the incident and they still talk about how gross it was, and I will die before I tell them it was me."
11) My friend liked to play World of Urination-Craft
Had a roommate who literally never left the dorm room because he played World of Warcraft around the clock. He was so addicted, that he had set up a fridge next to his desk and kept it stocked so he only had to leave his desk as few times as possible. But here is the worst part: to cut down on restroom trips, he would urinate into a container at his desk, and empty it only when it became full. It was disgusting.
10) The "best friend"
I had a roommate my first year in college who wanted to be my best friend. Before we met other people it was great and all, but because we had nothing in common, we grew apart. She started getting really passive-aggressive and not talking to me when I came in the room.
One night she woke me up at 3 AM and said "we need to talk." She proceeded to explain how she "signed up to have a best friend" not someone who just "shared a room with her." She got angry when I didn't invite her to study with me in the library because I had my own work to do, and even when I wanted to go on a date with my boyfriend alone. She told me either I start doing everything with her or I move the fuck out. I chose the latter.
9) My roommate only talked to me through a puppet
My roommate in the dorms wore a puppet on her shoulder and if you asked her a question she would answer with the puppet. It was a puppet of a griffin, which is a mythological creature that’s a combination of lion and eagle. It sucked. We also had all the same classes together and I woke up late more than once to that damn puppet in my face telling me the time.
8) My roommate sold cocaine and my laptop
Roommate started selling cocaine out of the dorm room. Halfway through the first semester my laptop "went missing", ironically found it on eBay within 10 minutes with him as the seller.
Called the cops when I got him get kicked out. Fun stuff.
7) The cat people
My first roommate and her boyfriend meowed as foreplay. Meowed. Like cats.
Via Jennifer Sprunger
6) The PROTEEEEIN addict
My college roommate was an extremely quiet athlete who would go weeks without speaking to me. When she asked me one day if she could order some protein bars, I was confused by the question. Why would my weird quiet roommate need to ask me this? She failed to mention the quantity of protein bars she wanted. She ordered about 50 jumbo cases of protein bars and a similar amount of protein powder online one day. The boxes filled up the entire free floor area of our room for the rest of the year. I had a little pathway cleared so I could walk to my bed.
5) Carol, aka NSFW Carol
Freshman year is always the hardest. My first roommate came from a party family and wanted to continue the tradition at school. I would wake up to her fucking random dudes or loudly masturbating whilst drunk (she would sometimes throw up when orgasming). The worst part was, she cared about her fellow partiers. Every night when she went out, she would get smashed but would find people worse off than her. If they couldn't find their home or communicate, she'd drop them back at our tiny dorm room and go back to parties for another few hours - if she came back at all. The bad part was my bed wasn't lofted originally, so every night I'd wake up to people getting into bed with me and have to put them to sleep elsewhere.
The worst it ever was when she dropped off a pledge who had triple what he should have to drink and had dropped some molly. He was all over the place and I was afraid to leave him to sleep. She didn't come back that night. All night was spent carrying this guy back and forth to the girls only restroom so he could try to sober up. He was pretty fucked up well into the next day. Eventually he was good to go home and I walked him to his dorm across campus. When I returned home, there was my roommate, furiously drunk masturbating again.
Why would you do that Carol?!? I just wanted sleep!
4) The salty prankster
My friend's roommate hides their salt. Just the salt. Every time he asks where the salt is his roommate goes in his room and brings it out.
3) The guy net nannies were invented for...
Towards the end of the year I walked in on my roommate jerking off a LOT; up to three times on some days.
It got to the point where I'd pretend to yell to my friends down the hall things like "I'll be there in a minute. Let me just grab something from my room real quick" just to buy him a few seconds of time to close out of his tabs (he'd watch porn at his desk right in front of the door) and pull his pants on.
Sadly that stopped working when he started wearing headphones.....
2) I lived with Stalin
I was always worried about leaving anything around The Housemate whilst I was away for a few weeks. He was... different to other people. So when I left for the holidays I took everything with me I thought he'd mess with. Everything. Laptop, TV, toothpaste. Trust me when I say if I hadn't taken these things I'd have come back to a smashed laptop glued to the TV with toothpaste.
I left and came back a few weeks later and looked around the house. All looked fine. Suspiciously fine.
It took me about three weeks to notice the photographs.
Some time whilst I was away, he had taken every photograph of me in the house (and there were a lot of photographs of me), scanned them, PHOTOSHOPPED ME OUT OF THEM, printed them out and returned them to the wall.
It was so fucking creepy. There were family photos - without me in them. Photos of friends - without me in them. There were even selfies I'd taken that he'd photoshopped me out of like I was never there. I thought he was bad - turned out he wasn't above using Stalin's methods to mess with me.
When I confronted him he kept saying I was never there to begin with. Towards the end of the year he suggested we live together again in 3rd year. I declined.
- Via turnipsatemypotato
1) And finally, the worst goddamn sonofabitch of them all....
I'd see him on campus wearing my clothes.
Like this? Check out the funniest things spotted at UK universities in 2015 or the 16 funniest things overheard at university...
Above stories via this Reddit thread and SMS staff.