​7 things everyone does in their first year (and ends up regretting)

First Year Uni Regrets

It’s sad to admit it, but the expectations we take with us to uni aren’t always met: the new flatmates probably won’t be the crazy beautiful people you’d like them to be, there’s no overnight transformation from gawky secondary-schooler into worldy graduate and the love of your life probably isn’t waiting on a sweat-polished union dancefloor.

Still, console yourself with the thought that you’ll soon be partaking in hallowed university traditions - because, for reasons no-one is quite sure of, there are certain things every student feels compelled to do. And while many are embarrassing, take solace in the fact you’ll hardly be the first to do them – and you certainly won’t be the last. It’s all just part of the process.

1. Stealing a traffic cone/road sign

As #topbantz as it may seem at four in the morning and after fifteen pints of Carling, the novelty of a piece of pavement paraphernalia soon wears off when you realise a) it’s left muddy marks everywhere, b) you have nowhere to put it and c) everyone else has done it, and most of them have a better story. Still, it’s practically a rite of passage so go ahead and enjoy. Just make sure you’ve got a good tale to go with it.

2. Fighting over food, sweating the small stuff

University: where you learn milk is a reliable source of both calcium and arguments.

Of course, it’s bloody annoying to have any food or drink stolen, but – is it really worth souring a relationship over? Passive aggressive notes are great on the internet, so leave them there. A bitter war of words really isn’t necessary – you could just chat it out (y’know, like the grown-ups we’re all pretending to be).

By second year, you'll likely end up wishing you'd held onto that friend and not gone berserk over something you can't even remember any more.

3. Getting with a flatmate/hall mate

A true testament to human laziness: we shag by proximity. Sloths would be proud. Are those few moments (don’t kid yourself) of pleasure worth the months of awkwardness which follow? Up to you, folks.

PS - the answer is usually a resounding 'no'.

4. Doing no work

‘First year doesn’t count’: an oft-repeated mantra, but complete fabrication. Sure, the marks you get usually aren’t considered for your final grade, but the teaching will never be repeated so it makes little sense to just blow your first year, because it will only make the following years that much harder. Enjoy your freshers’ year - but at least try to attend the odd lecture and complete an essay or two – trust me, it’ll make the next year or two that much easier.

5. Worrying way too early about next years’ house

November?! NOVEMBER?! Are you f@#cking kidding me, life? You barely know these people: it is too early to commit to a year of living with them. Just… don’t.

6. Going to every fresher event

Really, there’s just no need. And your overdraft doesn’t magically get replenished at the start of every year – you really, really gotta watch those pennies.

7. Thinking too much about doing it "wrong"

...because, really, you should do it exactly the way you want to. Regrets and all - that's the fun of it. And hey, don't you want to collect some stories?

Sorry to get all soppy on you but that's just how it goes.