5 ways the world changes when you're hungry
Ever noticed how much everyone and everything else in the world changes when you're hungry? Weird, isn't it? The moment you notice your stomach rumbling, suddenly...
1) Everyone else becomes incredibly annoying
What is it with everyone else in the world? The moment you're hungry they all decide to be incredibly annoying. They get in your way, they call you hangry (dicks - every last one of them) and just generally exist. How dare they?
2) The contents of your cupboard suddenly appear edible
"Never really noticed just how edible everything is. My god that three week old stir-fry looks edible. I bet I could eat that - I bet I'd barely even get hospitalised."
3) Everything looks like an ingredient to some kind of supermeal you're currently inventing
When you're hungry, everything suddenly becomes an ingredient for an un-named meal you haven't finished inventing yet. What have you got in the cupboard? Beans? Yep, throw those in there. Tuna? Sure, throw them in. Bacon, cheese and maple syrup? Get in the pan and make delicious things happen.
And for some reason the combinations always work. New foods are always made by someone who is really hungry. For example, do you really think that the guy who decided to ram a chicken inside a duck and then ram that duck inside a turkey wasn't a tad peckish? Or really, really fricking hungry? Of course he was. And he invented the Turducken. You're bound to invent something just as good if you keep getting hungry and get invented.
4) Everyone else decides they want to eat lunch at around f*cking midnight
"Is anyone else feeling hungry?"
"Not really. Shall we eat a bit later?"
"Maybe I should put some food on now, in case you're hungry in an hour or so."
"Ummm... no, no I'm ok."
"You sure? Just like a snack, or maybe a three course meal?"
"Umm.... no it's ok. Let's eat moments after you've starved to death."
5) People with food become the love of your life
People who have food and offer it to you suddenly seem a lot more attractive, fun to be around and loveable than they used to be when you weren't hungry. You find yourself thinking "Weird. Never noticed how amazing that guy holding the plate of chips looked until now."
As a result of this, people frequently try to propose to whoever serves them in subway. Why do you think waiters get given so many tips, phone numbers and confessions of undying love?
Hungry? Get yourself a free takeaway...