10 ways student life is like prison life

Student life is a lot more similar to prison life than you realised. You're there for a fixed amount of time, do a lot of reading and then when you get out it's incredibly hard to get a job (sorry guys - economic downturn). Here are the top ten similarities we could spot from our time at university and our obsession with prison dramas on the TV.

10) The accommodation is exactly the same

In case you're wondering, that's Rootes halls of residence on the right...

There are rumours at most unis that one block of flats was converted from an old prison, or else they use the designs from an old prison when they built the halls. This is because they basically are.

Small bedrooms, en-suite toilet if you're lucky and windows you can't open fully in case you escape. Sound familiar? If so, you have lived in a halls of residence and/or prison.

9) You cannot escape

Breakouts occasionally happen from unis and prisons, but generally if you're in prison you aren't getting out any time soon, and if you're at uni you'll never leave the campus bubble during term-time, except in cases of dire emergencies.

8) You'll drink something like toilet moonshine at some point

In prison people get so desperate for booze, they'll gladly ferment orange juice in the toilet (according to some episodes of Orange Is The New Black we saw). At uni at some point you'll feel so poor you'll be willing to drink something worse - Perry.

Don't do it. It was made in an industrial toilet, out of nature's turds (aka "pears").

7) Life will be a lot more interesting for you if you join a prison gang...

Ok, in university they're technically called "societies", but either way life's going to be a lot more interesting in prison and/or uni if you join a gang of some sort. May we recommend the Assassin's Guild or the Curry Appreciation Society, rather than the Aryan Brotherhood.

6) Job prospects are not looking good once you get out

Sorry folks, economic downturn. Job prospects not looking good for people leaving uni or prison, though admittedly they're a lot better if your CV gap is "University of Wolverhampton - Biology" rather than "Feltham correctional institution - Grand Theft Auto".

5) Surprising amount of riots and tear gas going on at both places

A surprising amount of riots happen at prisons and universities. Of course student riots tend to be about tuition fee rises, rather than lunch rations and inhumane treatment, but the outcome is the same. Riot time.

And the police seem just as happy to pepper spray 18-21 year old students as they are prisoners. So there's that in common as well.

4) You're going to spend a lot of time reading books you don't want to read, in a library

Just like in prison, you're going to be reading from a very limited selection of books for the next few years, and will be spending a lot of time in a library out of choice. Of course, in uni you'll be there to do an essay rather than avoid a shanking.

3) Once you leave, you're obliged to put where you went on all application forms

Get used to writing where you went to uni on every application form, the same way prisoners are required to mention their crimes to every employer.

2) You'll use posters to conceal something

In prison, a well placed poster can (apparently plausibly) conceal an escape tunnel from a warden. In uni accommodation, a well placed poster can conceal blue-tack marks from a sub-warden. Of course, this will double your problem in the long run, but you can always buy more posters.

1) When you leave, you feel like you've "done your time"

Specifically you'll feel like Andy Dufresne, from the Shawshank Redemption, who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side.

Unlike prison though, you'll probably miss it a few years later and beg to go back.


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