13 uni expectations vs 13 bleak uni realities
Uni doesn't quite play out how you expect...
You'll party hard.
You'll hang hard.
You'll eat a lot of beans
You'll eat so many beans you go insane.
You'll join a sports team.
You'll do this and many other unspeakable things to join a sports team...
...and then not actually do the sports bit. But you'll keep the t-shirt...
You'll learn in inspiring surroundings...
You'll learn somewhere grim.
If you leave your room unlocked, no-one will prank you.
At least halls will be nice.
Halls are modelled on prisons.
You'l keep the kitchen clean and under control.
After one month, you think this is under control...
You'll meet the love of your life.
You'll meet the love of someone else's life.
Someone's awful life.
You'll do all the reading.
You'll do a lot of pretending to read.
Just like Bush, but in seminars.
Now that you're a uni student you'll drink, but stay classy.
No-one looks classy when they drink, least of all you.
It'll be easy, I was the smartest kid in college.
Turns out everyone in college was dumb, and this is you...
I can drink and make it into 9am lectures...
I can get away with being drunk in seminars.