10 jerks you find at every uni

Students are a diverse bunch, but there are certain jerks you find at every uni...

10) Standard posho

The standard posho uses the word "banter" 1-3 times per conversation. Often seen wearing togas and saying something devastating about poor people, the posho is largely harmless and just needs to be educated about the real world.

9) The party animal who parties far too hard

Whilst everyone else makes polite conversation in the union and sip white wine spritzers, the party animal is on the dance floor necking Vodka Redbulls and twerking till they’re asked to leave. They've invented 3 new cocktails in freshers week, all of which use triple strength lager as a mixer and are served in a bin. They party so hard their family is concerned.

8) The standard nerd

Whilst other students are out partying and avoiding the library, the standard nerd is in the library looking up the word "party" in a Latin dictionary.

They have their own opinions on how the Dewey Decimal System could be improved, and can express these opinions in binary.

They're nice enough, but they won't be friends with you unless you also speak Klingon.

7) The jock

Jocks are health freaks. They'll try to take you jogging, and that’s why (spoilers) they’re soon about to have no friends.

They have a haunted look in their eye. This comes from doing unspeakable things in initiations that still traumatise them. What does it taste like to drink a beer through the buttcrack of a teammate? The jock doesn’t quite remember but they have their suspicions it tasted like Carling. They will only be friends with you if you also know what this tastes like.

6) The gap yah student

Often confused with the posho, the gap yah student is much more pretentious. He thinks he understands poor people because he saw one once in Nepal, whilst high on nose drugs and chundering over the side of a boat.

The gap yah student will tell you everything they learned (which isn't a lot) about their gap year at length for your entire stay at university.

They are a jerk because they're a year older than you and think they're too mature to hang out with freshers.

5) The hipster

Everything they own is made from wool or their own beard hair. The hipster will not like being called a hipster, despite being part of a crochet group, riding around on a push scooter and buying all their vegan meals from "whole foods". The hipster takes sociology and talks endlessly about Foucault.

4) The northerner down south

Most northerners hate the stereotype about northerners that they hate southern prices, so they make a point of buying incredibly expensive rounds for everyone whenever they're at the pub and sob about it to themselves when they get back home to their room, in front of a single candle to save on electricity costs.

Then there's thenortherner down south. These are the folk will endlessly tell you how much better the north is than down south - it's why they came south in the first place.

3) The theoretical physicist

The physicist has lost all sense of the real world, through their study of insane science. Washing ended years ago, and any notions of friendship, social interactions or fashion sense is learned from Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones.

Often heard saying "my name is Julian, but my friends call me Frodo".

Never called: "Frodo".

Why they're a jerk:

They're more interested in the physics of your flapping jaw than the words coming out of it.

2) The politico

The politico has an opinion on everything. If there's a topic, e.g. the farming of cress in the outer-hebrides, he/she is going to come down hard on one side and tell you precisely who is being exploited in this situation (it's the cress farmers. Shame on you, Mr Cameron).

The politico will join just about every political organisation on campus, and infiltrate ones they don't agree with, and violently join any protest going daubed in slogans written in pigs blood. Once they leave university they'll usually become an accountant.

1) The lazy student

The lazy student is a fun type of student to be. Whilst other students are in the library whilst they’re taking a week off to play Pokémon at home in their pants.

The lazy student doesn't see uni as a place to work, but a fun place to hang out for a bit before they inevitably have to get a job, and no essay deadline could ever convince them otherwise.

Why they're a jerk:

They're fun. Too much fun. I want to be them.

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