17 people in old paintings who are way drunker than you
You think you're drunk? Take a look at these people from paintings. They make you look sober.
17) Little Jimmy Two Flutes here...
"Hey, look at me. I can play two flutes."
"They're recorders, Jimmy, you f*****g idiot."
16) This guy who's mad at his own breath
"My breath smells like vodka and I'm mad as hell about it."
15) These folk, trying not to be sick or think about how pale they are
"Is it ok to be this pale?"
"It's fine dear. I'm not even that... what's that word where you've had too many alcohols"
"We're never normally this pale."
"Father. The butler looks a bit like Ed Miliband. Is that what happens when you drink, father?"
14) This guy who's totally getting away with sick coming out of his mouth
"It's ok. A bit of sick came out but I think I got away with it."
13) This mofo pouring the cosmos
"People who pour from normal heights are idiots, this is much more fun."
12) This guy, trying not to be sick in front of the cabinet
"Don't be sick on your pocket watch. You don't want to pick chunks of sick out of your pocket watch."
10) This lady who misjudged the picnic
"Get the f**k up, Ophelia, it's not that kind of picnic."
"I'm not drunk. I just think the portrait guy likes this sort of thing."
9) This embarrassment
8) This guy who thinks he's sober enough to toast
"All of you just look at Sarah. Gerald is trying to make a toast."
"To bitches, am I right??"
7) Drunk Billy
"Drunk Billy. You let Drunk Billy fetch the wine??"
"He said he wanted some alone time."
"His name is Drunk Billy! Legally, that's his actual name."
"I guess it was a mistake."
"Oh you guess it was a mistake to give Drunk Billy some alone in a room full of wine and corkscrews."
"I'm as mad as you are."
"You're a f*****g moron, Gerald. I cannot believe you're a monk."
6) This guy, who was drunk before he chose the hat
"I don't care if it's traditional to take your hat off before your shirt in strip poker. This is how I plays."
5) This guy who forgot to hide the brandy and dressed up as a monk to look innocent
"You can do this. Just pour the tea in the... in the tea thing you use to pour tea in your face hole and no-one will notice you got off your face on brandy and dressed up as a monk. Cup! That's the word. Cup. Concentrate."
4) This drunk friend trying to look sober to get past the bouncer
"She's fine... She's uh, tired."
3) This guy, who can't remember if men have nipples
"No no no no. Men don't have nipples. You're thinking of boob men."
"Yeah women. You're so smart Sheila. But men don't... wait do we have nipples? I'll get back to you, let me check..."
2) This guy who pooped a little
He pooped a little.
"Go home, Scorpion, you're drunk."
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