Man's complaint about ASDA "smart price" toilet paper goes viral

A customer's complaint about ASDA toilet paper has gone viral, after he posted an epic and detailed rant to their wall.

After purchasing "smart price" toilet paper from ASDA, Ben Martin from Nottingham discovered that it wasn't quite up to the task. Using his usual twice-fold method, he found that the recycled bog roll tended to fall apart pretty quickly, with some surprising consequences.

Dear Asda,

Last week I purchased some of your "smart price" toilet tissue and I have some thoughts to share with you.

For my first use I folded it twice like I normally would, but it was so weak it broke, at which point I realised I had fingered myself. That's right. No romance, no weekend in Venice, just one swift digit up the wrong 'un in a cold bathroom in Nottingham.

So what exactly is "smart" about "smart price"? My eyes certainly smarted a bit as I jabbed at my rectum. I spent the next few minutes in the saddest bathroom scene since Oscar Pistorius, debating whether to sacrifice a bath towel, a sock or the fleece of the first staff member I find at my local store.

A few more minutes passed, the anger subsided and I made a second attempt. You see this stuff might be half the price of branded stuff, but I found I needed to bandage it tightly 7-8 times around my hand to prevent me from molesting myself a second time, leaving me looking like an Egyptian mummy that's just performed a prostate exam.

The feeling of shame was soon replaced with regret, as I realised I had better things within arms reach to do the job. Even the pumice stone on the edge of my bath looked like it could do a better job than the stuff you supply.

I noticed in the news today your sales have dropped 7.5% in 3 months. Looks like it's not just the competition you can't wipe out!

Yours truly,

Ben Martin


Since posting the rant to Asda's page, the post has gone viral, with many other customers sharing their experience of the two-ply paper. Although some people found it exfoliating, rather than just instantly tearable.

So far, Asda have not responded to the post. But as Nikki Newton pointed out, maybe if he were to repeat the experiment with a different brand, maybe he could get himself a reply...

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