8 horrifying things all students go through

There are great moments you go through at uni, like your first night out in freshers, your first essay you're really proud of, and your eventual graduation. But, like it or not, there are also horrors you're going to have to go through as a student, such as...

8) That first time you go into minus figures

At some point in uni everyone goes through that same magical moment when your bank balance starts to magically go up all by itself. You haven't put money in, you don't think you're parents have either, but nevertheless your numbers are much higher than you thought they'd be.

Maybe the bank made a mistake - you think - or maybe you won the lottery and they haven't gotten around to informing you yet? Maybe God loves you? It's a beautiful, magical moment.

Unfortunately, this happens moments before you spot the minus symbol in front of it. You are now overdrawn. Welcome to student debt.

How to deal with it

Put your finger over the minus, ignore all your bills and live in ignorance - sweet, blissful ignorance.

7) The first moment you use the communal showers in halls

Unimaginable horrors happen in the communal bathrooms (so rumour has it). When people aren't in there showering, shedding body hair at an alarming rate, rubbing their verrucas all over the shower head and/or clogging the drainhole to the best of their ability, there are rumours that they're puking all the alcohol in the world out of their system, or (much worse) having sex. Whatever they're doing in there, it's gross and you don't want to have to use that as a place to get clean. It's like trying to get clean from drugs by moving into Super Hans's crack den. But now that you live there, you're going to have to brave it...

How to deal with it

It's prison rules: Wear flip flops at all times, stay in there for as little time as you possibly can and don't drop the soap (the floor is extremely unhygienic).

If you need to entertain yourself whilst you're in there, try the "match the body hair to the person" guessing game.

6) Staying up all night for weeks on end

At some point during uni you'll have about three deadlines at the same time, and end up awake at 3am, setting an alarm for 7am (whilst sobbing). No amount of planning ahead can save you from this.

Congratulations - you've hit the sleep deprivation phase of uni. So far no-one at Guantanamo Bay has reported the military using this method of sleep deprivation (scheduling several essays on the same day for the alleged terrorists) but we wouldn't be surprised if it turns out they do this. It's certainly kept you awake, and cursing America under your breath.

How to deal with it

Schedule as best you can. Get your easier essays out of the way (sorry to nag) so that you can focus on the more difficult ones later on. And schedule in nap-time. Research has shown that people who nap get better results, and you're unlikely to write a great essay when you're extremely sleep-deprived.

5) The months of winter you fear you might freeze to death

For some reason people designing student houses love massive windows and hate concepts like "pleasant room temperatures" and "surviving through winter". They're cold, even without that guy in your student house who keeps turning the heating off in order to save money, when they should be turning it on in order to save toes.

Nothing prepares you for that first winter in a student house. Not even repeated warnings from Jon Snow.

Shut up, Jon Snow, we heard you.

How to deal with it

Watch as many David Attenborough documentaries as possible, and do as the animals do. Huddle together like penguins. Hibernate like a bear. Eat as much whale blubber as the UN will allow.

4) Eating the worst, cheapest food in the shop

We're not talking "eating the cheapest asparagus in Waitrose" or "the cheapest chicken in Sainsburys". We're talking the reduced section of supermarkets of Lidl.

Whilst there's nothing wrong with Lidl (it's actually pretty awesome, for the money you pay) it's not great that you can now only afford to buy food from a supermarket that only do adverts where they go out in the streets and prove to unsuspecting customers that their food isn't shit, and then those customers announce how surprised they are that the thing they ate which didn't taste that much like shit came from Lidl.

Well at uni you can expect most of your meals to taste surprisingly un-shit for a while.

How to deal with it

Embrace the uni food. Try these 10 horrifying student foods.

3) Thin walls

As well as hating warmth, the people who design student housing also appear to hate privacy. In their quest to see it destroyed, they have made sure that student accommodation around the UK has walls separating bedrooms be no thicker than cardboard.

It's useless. At the minimum you want a thick brick wall to separate your bedroom from where your uni friends (god forbid) might one day "make the whoopie". Ideally you'd want those to be four metre-thick, lead lined concrete (better to be safe than sorry). Anything to prevent you hearing them in the act, or just generally hear them watching TV until 3am when they say they're "revising".

How to deal with it

Massive headphones, thick walls and expensive therapy once you leave.

2) Uni bureaucracy

You'll face a lot of uni bureaucracy during your course, and so much paperwork you're going to start to suspect that universities hate trees, pens and life itself. And no matter how well you think you've filled in the paperwork, before long you'll have something returned to you because it wasn't filled in properly, with an angry red bureaucratic note calling you a moron in bureaucrat speak.

How to deal with it

Do everything exactly as they say, down to the letter. Imagine you're living in a totalitarian regime, or living out scenes from Franz Kafka's The Trial. If you need to submit your thesis, take your passport, two forms proving your address, your birth certificate and a police officer who'll vouch that you are who you say you are. Sign every page of every form, until it looks sarcastic, or like you think you're autographing piles of photos for adoring fans.

Don't get mad at the uncaring robot trying to make you fill in the form. I used to be one of them. They have thousands of students to deal with, pretty much all filling in the forms wrong, and they literally can't do their job until they've done all these checks either. They hate the bureaucracy of it just as much as you do.

1) Dealing with the student loan folk

Rumours are the Joker was just a normal dude, until he was forced to deal with the SLC.

The SLC don't give you money. They make you beg for it. You can spend hours making sure everything is in order ready for your loan to hit your account, only to find out that it hasn't been paid when it should be paid. You then spend hours on the phone trying to figure out what went wrong, explaining to them that you already did the thousands of steps they require of you, that they claim you haven't done.

How to deal with it

Be rich enough to not afford a student loan. And plan ahead - be sure you've got enough money in your account that you can last a few days without your student loan if the inevitable happens and it is late.

Like this? Check out 10 student drinks you should avoid at all costs (unless you enjoy being sick in your mouth) or 7 drinking games all freshers should know...