22 hilarious 'slow news day' headlines
God bless you, local news. Where else could you get these "slow news day" headlines?
22) Chaos! The badgers are snubbing!!
Run for the hills! They're beginning to spurn disdainfully!
21) Stay tuned, story still developing
"Parking fine man" believed to be victim of nominative determinism.
20) Stop the f*cking presses!
It's all kicking off in West Wales. pic.twitter.com/70XgTsLHgD— Slow News Day (@SlowSlownews) February 21, 2016
Wales still in shock to this day.
19) You, sir, have sold yourself a paper...
Finally, something for the UK to be proud of.
18) Bird eats bird food
"Can a seagull really be cheeky?"
"Oh my god."
"I mean, they don't really have personalities that complex... maybe I should ask a scientist?"
"Just write the goddamn headline, Ron."
17) Pug life
"Put your teeny tiny paws where I can see them OH MY GOD THEY'RE SOOOO ITSY BITSY"
16) Meanwhile, in Whitby...
"Bed delivered. Hmmm... doesn't seem that OH MY GOD IT WAS DELIVERED UP A FUCKING LADDER!!! Matthew, cancel all my appointments, something's come up."
15) But who won? Buy newspaper to find out...
Alcoholism. Alcoholism won.
14) Wait for it... wait for it...
He must be an expert in his field. pic.twitter.com/Wu0YGfLrYz— Slow News Day (@SlowSlownews) February 8, 2016
"... Ok now! He's at 450, that's a nice round number, write the headline quick before he... Oh, for god's sake, what is wrong with you? I really don't see the appeal in this."
13) "Man goes to work!" no, that's not a good headline. Try...
"Yes, that's it. Imply he was missing. Journalism."
12) Cat thinks he's parcel
In other news "cat gets out of van".
11) Possibly the best headline of all time
A copycat drunk fart hadouken man is also believed to be on the loose.
10) "Saw big cat lady" saw big cat
But how big was it???
9) Some journalists will do anything to fill up a slow news day...
"Ok, you can do this, Bob, you bought the cactus, you got your balls out, now just run. Just run at the cactus, that's all you need to do and then you've got your headline. Here goes nothing..."
8) Nice one, Birmingham...
There you go again, another pope bites the dust thanks to visiting the Bull Ring.
7) Man posts dog shit letters
"The weird part is - I got replies."
6) Woman finds hat - contacts press
Follow up story "Hat Gets Destroyed - Owner Unaware or Distraught"
5) Shops refuse to let in customers outside of opening hours
4) Man on run
Believed to have fled towards cooking equipment.
4) Poodle refuses to snitch
"You've got nothing on me, pigs, I'm not saying a f*cking word."
3) Firefighters rescue duck from duck habitat
Slow fire day?
2) More hat news
"I've got no headlines today, Sarah."
"Has anyone lost any hats, or found any hats or something like that? Feel like a good hat story would really get things rolling."
1) Man mistakes yawn for heart attack