Dear Santa: What students REALLY want for Christmas

Dear Santa,

Apart from excelling at all 7 of the deadly sins simultaneously, I like to think i've been pretty good this year. But hold the socks and novelty slippers- because as a student, there are some things that I really, really need.

Money

£1 million will settle it. Or at least some hope that one day I might come to close to getting out of my overdraft. In fact at this stage i'll take anything.

Motivation

And by motivation I mean make me one of those super healthy, organised people that gets up at 7am and does all of their work and doesn't miss seminars to go to the pub, and has more motivation than just walking to the fridge to eat for the 20th time that day.

Mum's Cooking

Although I now owe my life to 1 star hygiene rated takeaways and Sainsbury's 3kg bags of Penne, nothing will ever come close to beating Mum's lasagne, sunday roast, victoria sponge, cottage pie....*insert 500 more amazing meals that you'll never even try cooking because microwave meals are only 90p*

Liposuction

How much weight we've gained at uni is something all of us are guilty of questioning, until you remember you can happily eat a family sized pasta bake in 2 sittings and still have room for pudding. Honestly, i'm just trying to use everything up before it goes out of date. Oh, and those free Domino's vouchers they give out at freshers? GET ME A RESTRAINING ORDER.

Insomnia

1 hour into uni and chill and I feel like I fully deserve the four hour nap i'm about to take. This will probably be the first of 3 today. After much consideration, not sleeping is literally the only practical way any student would be able to balance uni, a job and a social life.

A New Liver

My current one hates me. I put it through hell and before long it's just going to give up on me. Say no more.

Alcohol

This totally contradicts my last point I know. But we can ONLY blame the liver situation on the fact all students can afford is Tesco Value AKA acid. So, drop a bottle of Ciroc down the chimney and we've killed two birds with one stone.... (please Mum)

I know it sounds like i'm asking for a lot, but i'm really not- just the basic necessities to become a normal functioning human again, so just because I didn't put a Ferrari on the list please don't assume I don't want one, just make sure you pay the £6 an hour parking fee or my halls will fine you a lot.

Love,

Every student ever.

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