10 things that seem normal at uni but are actually really weird

Here are ten things you can only get away with as a student. We recommend you do all of them whilst you still can.

10) Wearing pyjamas outdoors

If you wear your pyjamas outdoors at any other stage in life you're going to get a lot of people talking to you in soothing calming voices before being swiftly sectioned and/or taken to hospital.

If you do it at uni, however, it's perfectly acceptable. You can go to lectures like this, you can go shopping in a onesie or just hang out in the union. If you show up to your part-time job wearing nothing but Winnie the Pooh pyjama shorts, the only thing they'll find weird is that you don't have matching slippers.

What happens if you do this after uni?

Hospital.

9) Eating breakfast at 4pm

If you're 40 and you start yourself a bowl of cheerios at 4pm the bowl will immediately be slapped out of your hands by a spouse or co-worker. "What the hell's wrong with you?" they'll ask. "That's breakfast food, you f***king prick. Are you having a mid-life crisis? F***king cheerios?? I'll ask again, are you having a midlife crisis??"

At uni eating breakfast at this time is fine. You're poor, you like cheerios and everyone around you isn't quite sure if it's breakfast time anyway. Asking someone back to your house "for breakfast" isn't even a come-on any more, because it's perfectly acceptable to eat breakfast at 6pm on a date.

What happens if you do this after uni?

Your family think you're having a crisis.

8) Walking around your house in your pants

At no other time in your life is it acceptable to walk around a communal house in your pants. For some reason (beyond our comprehension) it's perfectly fine if you're still a student. You can walk downstairs nude from the waist down and with your manhood clearly pressed against the linen of your silky boxer shorts and say hi to everyone and they'll treat you like a normal human being rather than an obvious sex pest.

What happens if you do this after uni?

Prison.

7) Dressing up like a cow and asking people to call you "maisie"

Ok this is also acceptable for you when you're a child. But at uni is your last chance to wear a onesie all day long and insist that everyone calls you "maisie", after uni everyone will find this behaviour odd and upsetting.

Not so at uni. You can wear any onesie of your choosing. Want to dress like a lion, spend some time hanging out on the long grass and stalking a friend dressed as a gazelle? Go for it. Now is your last chance. You can't show up like that when you're an accountant. It's really your last chance to wear any onesie whatsoever.

What happens if you do this after uni?

Fired from job or live permanently as animal of your choosing.

6) Offering guests a bathtub instead of a bed

You're a student. You have no space in your house, anyone who visits you should be grateful they're getting a bath to sleep in, and not a standing shower.

Party guests at uni are happy to stay in baths. Try offering this space to your friend who works during the week, and see how they react.

What happens if you do this after uni?

No-one attends your parties.

5) Sleeping anywhere

In uni it's pretty much acceptable to sleep anywhere. If you weren't working towards a degree you'd be seen as a lovable travelling hobo, but since you're a student it's fine. Sleep in cafes, sleep in the union, sleep in lectures (your lecturer cries about this when he gets home, you realise) it's ok. No-one will bat an eyelid or ask "you ok there, buddy?" or even check your pulse. You're just a student doing what students (and cats) do.

What happens if you do this after uni?

It turns out you're a hobo.

4) Colouring in holes in your clothes with marker pen

Throughout most of my time at university most my clothes were drawn on. At first I'd just colour in the occasional sock hole, but when no-one noticed this I'd start colouring in trouser holes and shirt holes. Before long my entire wardrobe was made of pen. Before I'd leave the house I'd draw on a layer of pants followed by a layer of trousers and, if it was cold out, a layer of thermals for good measure.

Once you get out of uni you realise most people frown on a holey sock, and the person who colours that hole in with a marker pen.

What happens if you do this after uni?

Your boss will sit you down and tell you they know your clothes are drawn on and demand a written explanation.

3) Spending more money on booze than on food

There's a reason you spend much less on food at university than you do on booze. Cheap food is basically fine. A Findus lasagna contains more horse than a Waitrose lasagne, but as long as you don't watch Champion the Wonder Horse at the same time you're not going to taste much difference. Cheap booze, on the other hand, feels like you're drinking paint-stripper.

But when you actually look at your finances and find out you spent more on alcohol than food, that's only acceptable as a student. If you do that after uni you can rest assured your friends are planning an intervention behind your back.

What happens if you do this after uni?

Interventions and rehab.

2) Not washing

At uni for some reason it's fine to put dirty dishes away in your cupboard and wash it up when you need it. A microbiologist friend of mine did this, despite knowing the science of what was happening in there on a second by second basis, and precisely how much salmonella she should expect to contract per day.

Washing at uni is never, for some reason, a priority. Another uni friend of mine were sick on her mattress in first year. Her solution? She flipped over and slept on the other side. Rather than disassociating ourselves from her entirely, we praised her ingenuity, tossed around the word "genius" and saw this as an excuse to never wash our beds.

Whilst this isn't acceptable for most students, you'll be surprised with just how long you can go without washing stuff whilst at uni. Got a ketchup stain on your top? Spray more ketchup down you till it looks like a pattern, see if anyone mentions it.

What happens if you do this after uni?

You die alone.

1) Drinking "because it's Tuesday"

As you get older drinking needs more and more excuses, to justify it to yourself. At uni it's perfectly acceptable to say "let's get hammered - it's shrove Tuesday" or just "I'm way too sober to work right now".

Enjoy it whilst you can. When you're older you'll say sentences like "I can't get drunk now I'll be at work in a week and I can't be hungover".

What happens if you do this after uni?

Life-ending hangover Wednesdays.


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